Who I would be
I'd be the Organizer, because let's face it, if you're going to survive a horror movie, you need to have a list of Survival Rules. Much like Columbus in "Zombieland," I know darn well that a few strict guidelines will keep me alive.
How the movie would play out
1. The killer always goes after the promiscuous girls in skimpy clothing. Knowing this, my horror movie garb consists of my favorite sweatpants, a Metallica t-shirt that's twenty years old, and my army boots. Dress conservatively, don't sleep with the star football player, and the killer will overlook you.
2. Everyone knows crazed mutant killers target people who wander off alone. Why do you think Shaggy and Scooby always stayed together? Travel in packs. If someone says they want to go check out the spooky basement by themselves, tell them goodbye, because they're toast.
3. You can't defend yourself if you're unarmed, and crazy killers know that. The moment I walk into a room, I pick something up. Preferably something sharp, pointy, or heavy. It will save my life, and give me time to escape while the maniac dismembers a slower-moving, unarmed member of my group.
Tips and Tricks
- Chances are, the guy behind the mask is actually Mr. Mulligan, the handyman. If not, it will be the nice sheriff you greeted you when you first got into town.
- Remember, cheerleaders and jocks always die first. Especially if they're sexing it up while the killer peeks through the window.
- Cell phone. You know darn well the phone in that cabin won't work when you need it the most.
- If you think the killer is dead, he's probably not. Don't turn your back for a minute, or he'll put an ice pick through your skull the second you relax and say, "Whew, I'm glad that's over!"
