'Tis the season to be...gory? If this time of year makes you reflect on how much you enjoy seeing people killed in nasty ways, then those psychiatrist appointments aren't really doing any good, are they? But far be it from me to call you crazy. I mean, I wouldn't want you jabbing any sharp objects in my eye or anything, so here's a list of movies that might appease your holiday bloodlust.
Santa Claws (1996)
© E.I. Independent
It's hard to believe that James Russo, co-writer of the classic Night of the Living Dead, wrote and directed this cheesy, low-brow T&A-fest about a young man who, having killed his mother for giving a man dressed as Santa some "mistletoe action," dons a Santa suit and "slays" anyone who comes close to the adult film star he's stalking. And he uses a claw. Get it?
Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)
© Sub Rosa Studios
Not that anyone watched the first Feeders, but the sequel is sort of a modern twist on Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. In this ultra cheap version, the Martians are made of papier-mâché, and Santa packs heat.
A Christmas Nightmare (2001)
© Lincoln Media Group
A few days before Christmas, a slain presidential candidate's campaign manager must go into protective custody when he himself is targeted for assassination. The assassin is soon the least of his worries, though, because the house in which he and his wife are hidden is haunted by the victims of a murder-suicide that happened on Christmas day 50 years ago. Solid low-budget direction can't save this film from its low-budget acting.
Dead End (2003)
© Lions Gate Entertainment
This trippy, Twilight Zone-ish film follows a family driving to the in-laws for Christmas. If that isn't scary enough, they decide to take a short cut and end up on a road that leads to nowhere. Actually, if that means not reaching the in-laws, what's the big deal?
Santa's Slay (2005)
© Lions Gate Entertainment
Perhaps the most fun killer Santa flick of all time, Santa's Slay is the only one that pictures the actual Santa -- not some guy dressed as Santa -- as a murderer. (Imagine if this had been released in 1984, when Silent Night, Deadly Night came out.) It seems that Santa is actually the spawn of Satan and has only pretended to be nice for the past 1,000 years because he lost a bet with an angel. I heard the same thing about Jay Leno.
Black Christmas (2006)
© Dimension Films
This odd but ambitious remake of the 1974 classic attempts to give a back story to the anonymous killer that includes incest and yellow skin (!). Yup, that would do it.
P2 (2007)
© Summit Entertainment
It's the most dangerous time of the year! Leaving work late on Christmas Eve, Angela (Rachel Nichols) is at the mercy of a deranged security guard (Wes Bentley) in her empty office building.
Wind Chill (2007)
© Sony Pictures
Much like Dead End, Wind Chill finds people -- this time, a pair of college students -- heading home for Christmas, only to take a wrong turn and end up on a mysterious stretch of road that seems to have a mind of its own. The moral: don't go anywhere on Christmas Eve.
