The Plot
My Bloody Valentine 3D begins with not one, but two flashbacks. A decade ago in the small coal mining town of Harmony, the mine owner's son, Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles), forgot to "bleed the lines" (whatever that means), leading to a Valentine's Day cave-in that trapped six men underground. One of the men, Harry Warden, decided to kill the others to conserve air and was eventually pulled out -- but in a coma.
A year later -- on Valentine's Day -- Warden awoke from his coma, peeved about what he'd been through and surprisingly atrophy-less. He proceeded to murder more than a dozen people in the hospital before dressing up in his miner's gear -- jumpsuit, helmet, gas mask, pickaxe -- and returning to the mine to kill a bunch of kids using it for a party. He was about to take out his frustrations on Tom but gets shot and presumably killed.
Ten years later, Tom returns to Harmony -- on Valentine's Day! -- after leaving behind the "unpleasantness" of his youth. He's in town to sign paperwork to sell the mine following his father's death, but no sooner does he arrive than the killings start anew.
The prime targets are the people who ran in his crew, including his ex-girlfriend, Sarah (Jaime King), who's now married to his former rival, Axel (Kerr Smith), now the town sheriff. Has Harry Warden returned from the grave? Was he even dead in the first place? And why does my movie ticket cost 14 bucks?
The End Product
My Bloody Valentine 3D is marketed with the gimmicky 3-D element as the main draw, but the content surprisingly speaks volumes on its own. A remake of a 1981 Canadian film from the "Golden Age" of slashers, it's a fun, freewheeling throwback to that era's lowbrow sleaze. My Bloody Valentine 3D actually trumps the original for pure entertainment value, delivering the kind of over-the-top sex and violence that made slashers so popular -- and so reviled -- in the early '80s.
The 3-D element is handled remarkably well, coming off not as a mere gimmick, but as something that actually adds value to the film. Our startled jumps are exponentially bigger, and the level of fun is exponentially higher as blood and body parts from the inventive kills come flying at the screen. And it's all quite natural; there's no force-feeding of scenes in which the actors poke objects at the audience for no good reason. One has to wonder, in fact, if the movie would even be half as enjoyable in 2-D (probably).
I doubt that there are many huge fans of the relatively obscure original (as remakes go), so there shouldn't be too many voices rising in unison to complain about the liberties taken with the plot. Most of the adaptations work well enough, except the whole theme of Valentine's Day -- a big part of the original -- is downplayed significantly, and the tie-in of the events to the holiday (Everything just happens to occur on February 14?) is pretty weak. That said, it's a testament to how enjoyable the movie is that you overlook such silliness.
Jensen Ackles, of Supernatural fame, makes the jump to the big screen with ease, although his character is required to play it so close to the vest that the likeable charm of Dean Winchester is rarely displayed. Kerr Smith (Final Destination) and Jaime King (Tripper) are solid as well, but genre veteran Tom Atkins (The Fog, Halloween III, Creepshow, Night of the Creeps) steals the show in just a few scenes as the retired sheriff called back into action to take down the murderer. I don't know how many more horror outings Atkins has in him, but if this is the last (please Night of the Creeps 2...), he's gone out with a bang. (On a side note: Betsy Rue will no doubt have her own fan club after starring in a five-minute full-frontal nude scene.)
Director Patrick Lussier, who's been relegated to the direct-to-video realm since 2000's Dracula 2000 (his last effort being the excellent White Noise 2), makes a striking comeback in a format that has to be somewhat restrictive. He handles it in stride, though, deftly shooting the oft-spectacular death scenes and taking full advantage of the 3-D technology without allowing it to become intrusive.
Ghost movies needed strong entries like The Sixth Sense and The Ring to rule early 21st century horror; maybe more films like My Bloody Valentine 3D will spark a slasher revival.
The Skinny
- Acting: B (Strong for the genre.)
- Direction: B+ (Maintains suspense while skillfully incorporating the 3-D elements.)
- Script: B- (A successfully crafted mystery within the slasher context, although there could be some quibbles with the changes to the original.)
- Gore/Effects: A- (Wonderfully over-the-top gore and creative kills, even with some CGI elements.)
- Overall: B (A return to all the gloriously exploitive elements made slashers so popular in the '80s.)
My Bloody Valentine 3D is directed Patrick Lussier and is rated R for graphic brutal horror violence and grisly images throughout, some strong sexuality, graphic nudity and language. Release date: January 16, 2009.
