15 Awful Sequels to Great Horror Movies

Why This One Stinks:

• Didn't Omen III end with the second coming of Jesus Christ?
• Damien is replaced by Delia, just as evil but way more annoying.
• Rehashed decapitation scene, Rottweiler scenes and "mother realizes her kid is evil but father is an oblivious lout" scenes from the original.
• Ridiculous climactic plot twist.
• An ex-nun's only secular job option? Prostitution.
• From the director the Tori Spelling pic Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?

Why This One Stinks:

• Packed with special effects trying too hard to appeal to the A Nightmare on Elm Street demographic.
• The poltergeist appears in human form. He looks Amish.
• The son is attacked by his own possessed braces.
• Remember the whole "home built on a tribal burial ground" thing from the original? Never mind; the REAL evil is in a cavern below the burial ground where even more bodies are buried.
• Evil tequila worm attack!
• Makes the poor decision of showing the "other side," with results resembling Clash of the Titans meets Captain EO with shades of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Great Original: Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Why This One Stinks:

• All of the characters who died in the previous movie return unharmed.
• Exploits rave culture years after it had already become old news.
• Beats the whole "brains" zombie chant to death.
• Acting on par with cable access television.
• The infamous zombie-making chemical Trioxin is now a party drug.
• Zombie hitchhiking with "Rave or Bust" sign. Misspelled, of course.

Great Original: The Ring (2002)

Why This One Stinks:

• Abandons the whole concept of the cursed tape from the original, replacing it with a pedestrian possession tale.
• Killer deer!
• Nonsensical plot, seemingly made up as it goes along.
• Acted, written and directed with the subtlety of a Carrot Top routine.
• Seriously, who was still watching video tapes in 2005?

Great Original: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Why This One Stinks:

• A pointless rehash with annoying good guys and boring bad guys.
• An incessantly whiny, girlishly squealing Leatherface dressed in drag hardly instills fear.
• No explanation of how this entry relates to the other movies in the franchise.
• Replaces the darkly comedic backwoods antagonists with a run-of-the-mill wife beater Vilmer (Matthew McConaughey).
• Gives said run-of-the-mill wife beater a bionic leg and a job working for shady "men in black" who may or may not be aliens. Um, what?