The 3rd Annual Scabbies: Celebrating the Worst Horror Movies of 2009

Midnight Movie: A scrawny, overall-clad hillbilly with a limp, a dime store Halloween skull mask, a poorly dubbed voice and a screw (?) as a weapon of choice. Plus his modus operandi is lame torture porn.
Runners-Up: The Collector, Hills Run Red, Laid to Rest. Hopefully, this will be the last we hear from these shallow, uninteresting baddies. You need more than a cool mask to become a memorable horror villain.

The Cell 2: I've seen animated GIFs with higher production value -- a particularly outrageous faux pas, given the original's appeal was about 90% special effects-driven (the remaining 10% being Jennifer Lopez's butt).
Runners-up: Dark Country, It's Alive, New Moon

Amusement: Originally slated for a theatrical release before being delayed for a year and a half and finally relegated to direct-to-video status, Amusement proved itself not worth the wait, thanks to clumsy storytelling and a lame villain.
Runners-up: Grace, Pandorum, Eden Log, The Children

The House of the Devil: Granted, this movie builds great atmosphere, but it doesn't actually do anything with it.
Runners-up: Drag Me to Hell, Paranormal Activity. All good but not as great as people claim.

Mutant Chronicles: "Death is a shark. I'm just a guy with a gun."
Runners-up: Children of the Corn ("Put that in your god and smoke it!"), Yeti ("We're no better than what's out there if we continue to eat these bodies!"), The Dunwich Horror ("That's a quaint name for a 60,000-year-old alien demon.")

Eden Log: I didn't understand what was going on, and I didn't care.
Runner-up: Vinyan

Halloween II: From a heroine who spends the entire movie throwing a pity party for herself before simply going crazy to a supporting cast that yells incessantly, I couldn't wait for everyone to just kill each other.
Runners-up: Donkey Punch, Eden Lake, Children of the Corn

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: Any movie in which a shark takes down a 747 in mid-air can't be all that worthless. Plus there's Lorenzo Lamas.
Runners-up: It's Alive (Dancing Baby turns cannibal), While She Was Out (suburban she-Rambo), Yeti (the hero's name is Peyton Elway, for goodness' sake).

Mutant Chronicles: Thomas Jane, John Malkovich, Ron Perlman
Runners-up: Outlander (James Caviezel, John Hurt, Ron Perlman); Horsemen (Dennis Quaid, Zhang Ziyi, Patrick Fugit, Clifton Collins Jr.); For Sale by Owner (Kris Kristofferson, Tom Skerritt, Skeet Ulrich, Rachel Nichols), The Unborn (Gary Oldman, Idris Elba, James Remar, Odette Yustman's non-nude body)

The Broken: Not a bad movie, but there's about 20 minutes of plot and 70 minutes of intense stares and dramatic music. If the cast emoted any harder, they'd break their faces.
Runner-up: Skeleton Crew, in which the first 22 MINUTES are revealed to be footage of a film within the film.

Header: This entire movie is based around a repulsive act of murder and necrophilia, dubbed a "header." It's as wretched as it sounds and shouldn't be viewed by anyone at anytime for any reason.
Runner-up: Gutterballs
(Note: Deadgirl contains some vile acts, but they serve a purpose, and the movie is thoughtful and well made, unlike these other two "films.")

Thora Birch (Train, Deadline, Winter of Frozen Dreams)
Runners-up: James Caviezel (Outlander, Nature's Grave), Thomas Jane (Mutant Chronicles, Dark Country)