Welcome to the sixth annual Scabbies, a celebration (or whatever the opposite of celebration is) of the worst horror and suspense movies of 2012. While 2012 had its share of great horror flicks released in theaters and on video, it also witnessed a good number of stinkers. That's where the Scabbies come in.
Worst Zombie Movie: Humans Versus Zombies
© Hannover House
This low-budget film is amateurish and dim-witted on all levels, including protagonists who think the best place to ride out a zombie outbreak is a hardware store with big glass windows across the front -- and zombies so inept they can't figure out how to get inside.
Worst Vampire Movie: The Dead Undead
© Phase 4
Frankly, this could also be the worst zombie movie, given the creatures are -- get this -- "zombie vampires" (ZVs) -- i.e., "normal" vampires who have mad cow disease. This film is basically a 90-minute stunt reel with a threadbare story and some awful, hackneyed dialogue written in to fill the gaps between the shootouts, car flips and explosions. You know you're watching a bad movie when you can't even tell who the lead characters is supposed to be until everyone else dies. Somehow, the awful acting is contagious, as even Luke Voss, who we have seen act well elsewhere, stinks here.
Worst Werewolf Movie: Night Wolf
I don't know who I wanted to die more while watching this movie: the protagonists or the director. The characters are grating, their interaction consisting of a bunch of mindless sniveling, bickering and maniacal overreactions -- not helped by the cast's hammy overacting. The direction, meanwhile, is full of dizzying cuts and camera movements that obscure any action, not that we really care what happens to these idiots. I only classify this as a werewolf movie, by the way, because of the title, since the "wolves" are hairless creatures that more closely resemble the cave dwellers from The Descent than any traditional werewolves you've seen in movies.
Worst Ghost Movie: The Apparition
© Warner Bros.
plays like something generated by a horror movie-making computer program, coldly combining expected genre tropes ("edgy" POV shots, overblown musical cues, panty shots, etc. ad nauseum) with soulless characters to form a big, steaming pile of clichés and blandness.
Worst Slasher: Don't Go in the Woods
Cliché-ridden "kids in the woods" fare that's amateurish on all fronts -- particularly the acting -- the experience made all the worse by the fact that the protagonists are band members whose limp acoustic practice sessions we have to listen to ad nauseum (using all the time that could be used for character/plot development). Even worse, some of them break out into song, musical style, apart from the practice sessions -- including taking the time out to sing while in the process of being murdered. Irritating, dull characters who have nothing interesting to say drone on and on about nothing and do stupid things like smash their own phones (and shoes?) with an axe. They can't die soon enough -- although frankly, even the the kills are lame (stabbed with a melodica? Really?). Because slasher fans are known to be fans of strummy, folksy acoustic guitar ballads?
Worst Killer Animal Movie: Wolf Town
© First Look
A poor man's Wolfen starring a blubbering, cowardly hero and a "pack" of happy-go-lucky wolves who know how to disable a car by chewing on the wires and seem like they're playing with a chew toy rather than killing anyone. There's approximately 30 minutes of plot -- characters running from one abandoned house to another over and over -- stretched out to 90.
Worst Backwoods Horror Movie: Chernobyl Diaries
© Warner Bros.
The threadbare script and toothless execution fail to take advantage of the juicy potential of a film set in the infamous Ukrainian ghost town of Prypiat.
Worst Horror-Comedy: Blubberella
© Phase 4
Is it possible that Uwe Boll is even worse at comedy than he is at horror? This painfully unfunny film is basically a comedic version of BloodRayne 3, shot at the same time with the same cast and sets (as if you'd ever want to revisit anything associated with BloodRayne 3), but with an obese woman in the lead role. As expected, it's one long, obvious fat joke, but lucky us, we also get treated to humor ladened with misogyny, homophobia and racism to boot.
Worst Found Footage: (TIE) Greystone Park/Knock Knock 2/Bigfoot County
© Arc Entertainment
It was a bad year for "found footage" horror movies
-- quality-wise, not quantity-wise -- so it's hard to choose just one. Greystone Park
is an incoherent, barely watchable attempt to cash in on the genre. Knock Knock 2
dares viewers to turn off the movie with the first 40 MINUTES taken up by the lead characters just driving around the city aimlessly looking for sites of infamous murders. Bigfoot County
: Despite its title, this film makes the questionable decision to largely replace a Bigfoot nemesis with backwoods Deliverance
-esque locals. Who needs monster movie mayhem when you can have forced sodomy?
Runner-ups: The Devil Inside, Area 407.
Worst Sequel: Resident Evil: Retribution
© Screen Gems
Even by the erratic standards of the style-over-substance Resident Evil
franchise, this entry is dumb, cartoonish, poorly acted and full of numbingly cheesy CGI action.