Welcome to the fifth annual Scabbies, a celebration (or whatever the opposite of celebration is) of the worst horror and suspense movies of 2011. While 2011 had its share of great horror flicks released in theaters and on video, it also witnessed a good number of stinkers. That's where the Scabbies come in.
© Phase 4
What would a "worst of" list be without Uwe Boll? Even for him, this entry in the video game-based series (Was anyone clamoring for a third BloodRayne
?) feels lazy and halfhearted. A threadbare script, awful dialogue and stiff acting (most notably by star Natassia Malthe) deaden any cleavage-y potential this film had beyond modest camp value.
© Anchor Bay
Granted, this isn't the worst of the sketchy franchise, but it annoyingly goes the tame teeny-bopper Twilight
(or Teen Wolf
?) route, full of raging teen angst, overly earnest rock music, lame "lesson-learned" voiceovers and the dubious message that love conquers lycanthropy. None of that, of course, explains why the werewolves are dressed in cheap rubber costumes.
When's a werewolf not a werewolf? When it's a were-hyena! They're sort of like werewolves, except they make irritating laughing noises and even more irritating movies -- complete with Z-grade acting and CGI effects, laughable wannabe tough guy characters (including Jessica Alba's less talented brother and some guy from The Real World
...or is it Road Rules
? Does anyone care?) and a plot whose sole purpose seems to be to get Christa Campbell to doff her clothes every 10 minutes... So, maybe it's not ALL bad.
© Breaking Glass
This cheap, poorly acted B-movie tries to blend Kevin Smith-ish conversational humor with an infection scenario similar to The Crazies
; neither succeeds. Technically, these aren't zombies, but if the people who came up with the title don't care, neither do I.
Apparently, the makers of this film felt it was necessary to make its protagonists as unlikable as possible (including a guy who just yells "BEER!" over and over until someone gives him one) so we don't mind when they die; mission accomplished. Unfortunately, there's no excuse for the awful acting, lame attempts at humor, slow pace and lack of edge.
Runner-up: Exit 33
retread that fails to recognize its own potential for fun, popcorn movie mayhem. To paraphrase Notorious B.I.G., mo' sharks, mo' problems.
© 20th Century Fox
Why take the backwoods
killers out of the backwoods? Bad acting (from what amounts to an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog cast), cheesy makeup/effects (Halloween store masks/CGI gore), awful dialogue (You know the writers named one character Porter just so another one can say "They've probably turned Porter into a porterhouse by now!") and annoying, bickering characters who make dumb decision after dumb decision (They trap the cannibal killers in a cell, but killing them would somehow be wrong.) translate into a continued downward spiral for this franchise.
© Anchor Bay
Inexplicably, the same writer-director who delivered the gritty, pulse-pounding 2005 thriller 13 Tzameti
made this slick, star-studded, inert turd of a remake, full of off-base performances, stilted dialogue and choppy editing. Talk about "unlucky."
© The Asylum
Supposedly real footage
documenting the '70s German case of demonic possession that inspired The Exorcism of Emily Rose
, it becomes clear early on that this isn't the case when the characters begin to speak ENGLISH. Plus, their clothing and hair doesn't exactly scream '70s, and the only attempt to make the footage look "aged" is seemingly to soft filter it to death. All in all, another dull, derivative effort from mockbuster
specialists The Asylum.
© Screen Gems
This Single White Female
for the My Super Sweet 16
generation plays more like a cliche-ridden CW movie of the week than a theatrical film. Cam Gigandet is steadily becoming a harbinger of cinematic awfulness.
Runner-up: The Resident (Apparently, if you're making a "fatal attraction" thriller, you must use the title format The [Single Word Describing the Occupation/Relation of One Character to Another]. Stay tuned for The Drunk Uncle.)